I Wanna Be Like Culturally Insensitive Jungle Animals

In keeping with today’s spirit of Marxist death squad cultural annihilation, a UK movie service, Sky, has added content warnings to old movies the company has deemed contain “outdated attitudes, language, and cultural depictions which may cause offence today.” The litmus test case being publicized to demonstrate the kind of content now judged “outdated” (by people who believe they know the absolute moral and “cultural” truth about everything) is the 1967 Disney animated version of The Jungle Book. 

In honor of this auspiciously totalitarian occasion, I would like to invite you all to join me in a moment of sober reflection upon just how culturally insensitive and outdated we have all been. After a suitable moment of silence, and as a means of expressing our sincere gratitude to the holier-than-we sensitivity police who have descended from their mountaintop to teach us that a cartoon about delightful jungle animals is racist (whose race?), I ask you all to rise to your feet, salute the nearest hammer and sickle or yellow star — and then just try not to feel exactly like the bear in this scene while listening to the vocal stylings of the very ethnically unapologetic Italian Louis Prima. (I suppose the sage censors who decided this was “outdated” thought the singing ape named “Louie” was supposed to be Louis Armstrong?)

I wanna be like you, men and beasts of the past, who knew how to live without self-hatred, to smile at and enjoy shared cultural motifs without Marxist-induced shame or pseudo-intellectual reassessment, and to instinctively recognize the difference between real offense and theoretically-indoctrinated ersatz offense.