Joe Biden Time!

Everyone knows that the reason Donald Trump is President of the United States today — leaving aside the obvious Russian propaganda campaign on his behalf (oh, lighten up, folks, you all knew it before it became out of bounds to mention it anymore) — is that Hillary Clinton is such an unlikeable hag that even her ideological allies, even the radical feminists, even her fellow Alinskyites, couldn’t support her with any enthusiasm. In short, the Democrats lost the White House because, to borrow a Trumpism first used against Ted Cruz, “Everybody hates Hillary.”

And she damn well deserves it, of course, the conscienceless, lying, self-serving, bloodless harpy. So it is only natural, modern politics being what it is, that the leading Democratic candidates for 2020 are a collection of lying, self-serving, bloodless harpies — but younger and more ideologically pure than the money-grubbing Clinton Machine operator! 

Sure, that’s the ticket, because what today’s dumbed-down, pleasure-motivated, morally empty progressive-by-default (i.e., average Democratic voter) really wants is an even more strident and angrier version of Hillary Clinton!

Not to fear, however. For into the midst of this musty atmosphere, in which 1930s-style socialist Bernie Sanders, who looks like the crazed half-brother of Colonel Sanders, passes for the “likeable candidate,” comes Mr. Likeability himself, the Democratic Party’s very own “Hi, how are ya?” next door neighbor, Joe Biden.

He takes the train to work you know! And sure, he gets a little too touchy-feely with your wife and daughter (okay, that daughter part is a bit icky sometimes) at the church picnic, but that smile just says, “Hey, I’m your friendly Uncle Joe — trust me!” 

He’s gaffe-prone; in fact, he can put his foot in his mouth like no one else. Perhaps the single greatest moment of embarrassing slip-up from any living politician, for example, was Joe at a rally insisting, in his down-to-earth style, that a local political figure “Stand up Chuck, let them see ya,” only to realize that the man was in a wheelchair — from which Joe recovered in the way that only a true idiot can: “Oh, god love ya, what am I talking about? I’ll tell you what, you’re makin’ everybody else stand up though, pal. Stand up for Chuck!”

Notice that without even intending it, I am already calling him “Joe.” So will you. He’s just lovable that way, like a teddy bear. And when he’s POTUS, the rest of the world will be wondering, based on recent experience, whether there is a single man or woman left in America with an IQ over seventy.

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