The Kavanaugh Hearing (Alternate Take)

If you watched more than a few minutes of Thursday’s U.S. Senate Judiciary Committee “hearing” on Christine Blasey Ford’s completely uncorroborated accusations against Judge Brett Kavanaugh, you have already disqualified yourself from ever being confirmed for any position in the U.S. Federal Government, since you obviously have serious and probably irremediable sado-masochist tendencies.

But if, like your friendly host here in Limbo, you barely forced yourself to sit through a few torturous minutes here and there, and did so mostly to verify once more what you already knew — i.e., that all Democrats are crap-weasels without an ounce of shame, while Republicans are hopeless toadies without a full-size functioning spine among them — then there is still hope for you. For you, my fellow reluctant witnesses to atrocity, I offer the following alternate take on the whole debacle.

Here is my list of questions that, in a better universe, would have been asked by members of a committee who were willing to see and judge this whole sham for what it is, but which, I think it fair to assume, were not asked during the entire real proceeding:

Judge Kavanaugh, you have claimed that you never got so drunk that you blacked out, or couldn’t remember what happened the next day. Are you suggesting, then, that you have never, even in your school days, been as drunk as Hillary Clinton on a normal Saturday night?

Judge Kavanaugh, you are accused of treating a female friend a little too aggressively at a high school drinking party. Do you think a man should be denied a powerful job in the U.S. Federal Government for such behavior in his teen years, and if so, do you believe Bill Clinton, who is known to have engaged in such behavior serially throughout his public life, should have been allowed to serve as President of the United States?

Judge Kavanaugh, Dr. Ford’s accusation against you, if completely true, and even leaving aside the fact that it supposedly took place when you yourself were still a minor, would be several degrees of seriousness below Senator Ted Kennedy’s many documented mistreatments of women, even apart from his infamously causing the drowning death of a woman while intoxicated. So do you believe, Judge Kavanaugh, that the Democrats on this committee would even be listening to Dr. Ford’s accusations, let alone asking you to answer them in this hearing room, had you been a registered Democrat and nominated to the Court by a Democrat president?

Judge Kavanaugh, if you had to venture a rough guess right now, what percentage of the members of this committee could drink you under the table nine times out of ten, and have mistreated people, whether sexually or otherwise, whether intoxicated or sober, in ways far more disturbing than anything Dr. Ford has accused you of doing — and have done so as sitting members of the United States Senate?

Well, we can dream….