Tagged: North Korea

North Korea Dismantling Nukes!!! (in a language in which “dismantling nukes” translates as “Trump cultists are morons”)

Two days ago, there were reports that North Korea has begun dismantling a rocket testing site they had pledged to destroy during Kim Jong-un’s International Respectability Coming Out Party Guest Starring Donald “Big Button” Trump. Rational observers, who do not live for evidence that Trump is the Second Coming — or rather that Jesus Christ was the placeholder for Trump — know that...

North Korea Actually Expects Trump to Do What He Promised — Imagine That!

The U.S. is boasting that Secretary of State Pompeo’s recent meeting with Kim Jong-un’s tyranny was a great success, with much happy-go-lucky progress being made toward denuclearization. The Kim regime, meanwhile, is singing a very different tune, expressing dismay and frustration that the U.S. seems to be trying to push the Norks into “unilateral denuclearization,” which is not what they signed on for. ...

Peace In Our Time: North Korea Edition

Here’s a new headline from the Washington Post: “North Korea working to conceal key aspects of its nuclear program, U.S. officials say.” Can you believe it? Frankly, I can’t. I mean, Super-Genius promised Americans that the North Korean threat was over, and that they could sleep well, secure in the knowledge that Kim Jong-un was a great guy after all.  But seriously, the...

Kim Visits China to Report on How He Snookered the Orange Idiot

Kim Jong-un, fresh off his complete submission before the strategic, economic, and military might of…Xi Jinping, has arrived in China to “brief” Xi’s Communist Party inner circle about how he successfully manipulated the United States government into granting all of China’s wishes while somehow persuading themselves that this was a Make-America-Great-Again kind of victory. As Reuters reports: China has been particularly pleased by...

Why Only Trump Could “Solve” North Korea

Donald Trump and his cult members — sorry, I will never refer to his supporters in any other way again, unless, in a generous mood, I call them “fans” or “idolaters” — are working overtime to spread the word that by solving the North Korean problem forever in one magic meeting, he has accomplished something that previous American presidents were unable or unwilling...

Trump Just Got Owned by the Smarter Man

Breaking: Donald Trump proudly showed off a document he signed today with Kim Jong-un, promising a lot of promises, most of them essentially meaningless — except that one of the promises is to help the DPRK work toward a “complete denuclearization of the Korean Peninsula.” ZOOM IN ON THE TEXT: “President Trump committed to provide security guarantees to the DPRK, and Chairman Kim...

Singapore Summit: Who’s the Great Negotiator Here?

Fans of Donald Trump like to defend all his stupid, incoherent, or unscrupulous moves by saying, “I’ll assume he knows what he’s doing; after all, he’s a negotiating genius.” Their faith is that whatever Trump appears to be doing on the surface, he is in fact playing some kind of deal-making hardball that will eventually break down and win over any opponent. These...

North Korea Delivers Shocking Response

I’m stunned, stunned I tell you! After six weeks of surrendering all their nuclear weapons and infrastructure in meek submission to the massive hands and best words of Mr. Alpha Nobel, North Korea has apparently forgotten who is Daddy around here and started issuing ultimatums again, threatening to cancel their big TV “summit” with the pretend leader of the so-called free world. It...

Legitimizing North Korea

The world is breathless. Donald Trump’s fan club is preparing its Nobel Peace Prize party. Moon Jae-in is smiling like a man who just secured his place in Korean history. And Kim Jong-un, the enigma at the center of this show, is shaking hands with everyone, promising to end the Korean War. It’s all a dream come true — but for whom? To...

The Kim-Trump Summit: “Say Kimchi!”

So Kim Jong Un, The Baby-Faced Assassin, now supposedly wants to engage in direct denuclearization talks with Donald J. Trump, The Asinine Baby. To make sure Kim gets what he wants out of this — legitimization — and that Trump gets what he wants out of everything — attention — why not do this as a pay-per-view event? Let all the world see...